How to teach: lessons from FIFA

1. The longer you play in a given day, the worse you get so make sure to take a break.

2. You cannot control more than half the players on the pitch the opposition and your goalkeeper operate independently of you.

3. If you use up all of your sprint you can’t defend when they are on the counter-attack so ease off of R2 for a while.

4. It is easier to score as Brazil than as Grimsby Town but Brazil winning the match means nothing and Grimsby winning is a huge achievement.

5. Volleying from 40 yards out is great when it goes in but realistically it is just going to bring your average down.

6. You can ignore most of your emails and still be a successful manager.

7. You don’t need to wait until transfer season to send your scouts out and everyone is amenable to a spontaneous offer.

8. Nobody gets an instant reply when you bring out your skillz if they don’t lead to a goal.

9. Kicking the ball out of play is sometimes the best option for the team especially if your defenders are fatigued.

10. Having one top goal scorer may bring them to the top of the player rankings but having many goal scorers may bring you to the top of the league.

11. If you don’t learn to switch off you will find yourself alone, tired and covered in crisps and not in a good way.

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